I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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