help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
