She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
