My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
