just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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