He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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