my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
