bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
