I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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