she looked like the before picture.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
