I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
