I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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