why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
this hospital has no fireball
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
