I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your cock deserves a montage
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
