I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
