There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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