If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
