the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
