If that was your dad, he is hot
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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