I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
