hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
