She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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