I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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