my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
