I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
