i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
