Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She's the barista slut.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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