At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
