who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
