i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
