i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
