At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
