just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
