Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
