we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my liver is dry heaving
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
