Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
