how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
