it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
