I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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