Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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