a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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