I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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