So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
