my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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