Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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