Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
