you would pick up someone in the library
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
