there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
