I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
