Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
