I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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