MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
