you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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