If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
