omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
