Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
